Conflict is as old as humanity itself. Whether between nations or within marriages, within teams or within oneself, conflict signals a clash of needs, values, desires, or fears. But conflict also offers a doorway: if handled with humility, imagination, and courage, it can lead not to defeat, but to deeper understanding, stronger relationship, and renewed purpose.
1. Begin with internal clarity
Before you seek to resolve tension with another, first listen inward. What is your fear, your longing, your woundedness? What assumptions or stories are you telling yourself about the other? The more lucid you can become about your own heart, the less reactive you’ll be when conflict surfaces. In that space of self-awareness you can speak rather than parry.
2. Name the conflict, not the enemy
Too often we reduce the “other side” into a caricature or enemy. But in truth, people carry pain, hopes, and deep wounds. If you can separate the person from the problem, you allow room for empathy. When you say, “We are in conflict over this issue,” rather than, “You are the problem,” a fresh possibility emerges.
3. Listen to understand, not to reply
One of the most powerful acts is giving full attention—without judgment, without interruption—to the other’s experience. Let them speak, and reflect back: “What I hear you saying is …” In that mirror, tensions often lose their fiercest edge.
4. Seek shared purpose, not one-sided victory
Conflict rarely ends by domination. Lasting resolution is built on a common ground: What do both sides want ultimately? What is the deeper aspiration underneath the surface demands? When each side steps back from insisting on all their demands, and leans toward the shared purpose, solutions emerge that neither could see alone.
5. Be willing to make small gestures
Sometimes conflict is too big to solve at once. But small acts—an apology, acknowledgment of pain, an offer of compromise—can disarm hostility. In warzones of the heart, small openings matter more than grand gestures. Over time, small gestures build trust.
6. Hold the long view
Immediate peace is not the same as justice or fullness. True reconciliation often unfolds slowly, imperfectly, with setbacks and adjustments. Be patient—with yourself, with the other, and with the process.
A Contemporary Example: Diplomacy on the World Stage
Even in the realm of global politics, where stakes are high and wounds deep, the above principles manifest. Recently, President Trump achieved a breakthrough in brokering a ceasefire and hostage-prisoner exchange between Israel and Hamas—a development hailed by many as a significant step toward ending a long conflict. In fact, I harbored grave doubts that Hamas would come through as promised and return the remaining hostages; in fact, I was sure Hamas would never honor that agreement. Thankfully, I was wrong (although, truth be told, Hamas has been showing signs of violating what they agreed to by turning their rage on ordinary Palestinian citizens. . .)
What made it notable was not mere raw power, but the willingness to enter a space of negotiation, to listen (via mediators), to propose a phased path forward, and to accept that resolution would require compromises and patience. He did not promise instantaneous perfection; he sought a doorway open to further reconciliation. CBS
That same spirit—the willingness to walk toward opposition, to propose phased steps, to open a door where none seems possible—serves us in everyday life. Whether in your family, workplace, or inner life, conflict is never the final word.
In Closing
The kind of conflict I am addressing above is what I might call benign conflict (in contrast to a much more several and dangerous type of conflict I discuss in the From Ara’s Journal column below.) When it comes to this more benign conflict, if we approach such conflict as an opportunity for insight, connection, and transformation, we stop seeing it as a threat to avoid and start seeing it as a teacher to engage.
May you embark on that path with humility, courage, and grace—and may your bridges outlast the storms.
