There is a dirty little secret about leadership that doesn’t get mentioned much in leadership seminars.

Sometimes, if you’re doing it right, people won’t like you.

There. I said it.

We live in an age obsessed with approval. We count “likes.” We monitor comments. We curate our opinions. We soften our language so nobody becomes uncomfortable. And somewhere along the way, we have begun confusing being liked with being a good leader.

They are not the same thing.

Good leaders certainly shouldn’t try to be unpopular. There’s nothing particularly admirable about being obnoxious, abrasive, or insufferable. If everyone who works with you thinks you’re a jerk, it may not be because you’re courageously standing on principle. You may, in fact, simply be a jerk.

But leadership eventually presents every serious leader with a choice: Do what is popular—or do what is right.

Sometimes the two happily coincide. Enjoy those moments. They don’t always last.

Leadership requires decisions, and meaningful decisions create consequences. A manager who refuses to address poor performance may remain popular with the underperformer, but the rest of the team notices. A parent who never says no may win temporary approval from a child but fail miserably at leadership. An executive who avoids an unpopular restructuring may preserve harmony today while jeopardizing the organization tomorrow.

Leadership is not a popularity contest.

In fact, one of the clearest indicators of leadership maturity is the ability to tolerate disapproval without becoming either defensive or vindictive.

That takes courage.

The immature leader asks, “Will people like this decision?”

The mature leader asks, “Is this the right decision?”

The wise leader goes one step further: “Is this the right decision, and how can I implement it with dignity, fairness, and respect?”

That last question matters. Courage without empathy becomes arrogance. Principle without humility becomes self-righteousness. And leaders who congratulate themselves every time somebody gets angry with them should probably stop congratulating themselves.

The goal isn’t unpopularity.

The goal is integrity.

Leadership courage means knowing what you stand for before the pressure arrives. It means establishing values that don’t mysteriously evaporate when adhering to them becomes inconvenient. It means listening carefully to criticism without automatically surrendering to it. Critics can be wrong—but occasionally, irritatingly, they can also be right.

Strong leaders therefore develop an internal compass without developing a closed mind.

There is also an important distinction between respect and approval. A leader may make a decision people dislike while handling it in such a way that they still respect the person making it. Explain your reasoning. Listen to objections. Admit what you don’t know. Change course when the evidence warrants it.

But once you have listened, studied, weighed the consequences, and concluded that a difficult course is the right one—have the backbone to take it.

Harry Truman supposedly kept a sign on his desk reading, “The Buck Stops Here.” Leadership ultimately requires accepting responsibility for decisions that cannot be outsourced to committees, opinion polls, focus groups, or the loudest person on social media.

Anyone can lead when the crowd is cheering.

The real test comes when the crowd stops cheering—or starts booing.

So here is a useful self-development question for anyone aspiring to lead:

What principle am I willing to become unpopular for?

If your answer is “none,” you may be exceptionally agreeable.

But you’re probably not ready to lead.